How do I Live
by sunsetLover
Summary: My first ADDEK one-shot that I posted here. This is set when ADDEK was preparing to leave for L.A. Willa the pair be able to live without each other. Read and Find out:


_A/N: This is an attempt of an ADDEK fic using parts from the song "How do I live without you" by Leann Rhimes. This is my first ADDEK fic to be posted. Keep in mind that English is not my mother tongue so my apologies to the grammatical errors._

_Disclaimer: I own nothing of Grey's Anatomy because Shonda owns them and although she has given up to my fave ship, I didn't. Please don't sue me, I'm just a poor 17 year old student._

It was Addison's last day in Seattle Grace so the NICU station staff threw a small party for her departure. Although at first the staff didn't like her because of her deceiving red-hair and cunning looks, they have learned to see through the real Addison who is loving and gentle. The nurses gave her flowers and a card signed by all of them, wishing her luck in her private practice career and also in her life in L.A. The Chief, Bailey, Izzie and Callie was also present to share it with her.

After lots of hugs, teary eyes, and exchange of e-mail addresses, Addison was finally ready to leave. Even up to the last minute Addison was still hoping that Derek would show up; but he didn't. So she dismissed any glint of hope that she would see him. Just when she was opening her approaching her car, a familiar voice called her name.

"Addie!Wait!" She recognized fully the voice, the voice whom she knows by heart, Derek's, who was running towards her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to attend to the gathering, I had surgery and I just barely got out." Derek explained in between gasps of air.

"No problem, Derek. So what do you want?" Addie assured, looking at his flushed face from running, _"Gosh, I'll miss him so much!" _she thought to herself.

"Nothing really, I just wanted to say goodbye...you know before you go." Derek said trying to form a coherent thought.

"So...you going tomorrow, right?You all packed?" Derek started, attempting to dispel the awkwardness and the tension.

"Yeah, almost packed and ready to go" Addie replied not really wanting to have a civil conversation with him when it's no use anymore.

Both fell into an uncomfortable silence.

"I really should head home now, I still need to do last-minute packing and I still have a plane to catch early tomorrow." Addison explained trying to find a reason for her to get away from Derek.

Derek just nodded, looked at her in the eye and said, "Okay...Addie, take care of yourself and good luck with your new life..._without me_" Derek wanted to add but decided that it wasn't a very good idea. He wanted to kiss her but he was scared that he might not be able to let her go so he just extended his hand for a handshake.

Addison too extended hers but instead of a quick handshake, Derek took her hand, gave it a tight squeeze and brought it to his lips. At that point, Addison wanted to weep but tried to hold back the tears from falling because she didn't want him to see how hard it is for her to _leave_ him. When she figured that tears are threatening to fall, she abruptly pulled out her hand from his.

"You too Derek. Take care and good luck. Goodbye." Addison muttered hastily and went inside the car.

Addison took off with her car in no time, not even giving Derek the chance to answer.

"Goodbye _my_ Addie..." The remants of eleven years of marriage was just the sweet scent of her skin still lingering on his nose.

--

_Addie's Apartment..._

Addie did not even know how she made it alive going back to her apartment when she could not even remember which way she took. Her eyes blurred with tears, her mind not working and her being clouded with emotions.

When she arrived, Addie just broke down and cried her heart out. No longer holding back the hurt, the pain, the guilt, and the disappointment of her failed marriage. After a good 20 minutes of crying, Addie stood up gathered herself together and started her last-minute packing. To get herself into the mood, she turned her i-pod with speakers on and pressed shuffle and like a trick of fate the first song didn't really make her any better but she couldn't bring herself from turning it off.

_How do I,_

_Get through the night without you?_

_If I had to live without you,_

_What kind of life would that be?_

_Oh, I_

_I need you in my arms, need you to hold,_

_You're my world, my heart, my soul,_

_If you ever leave,_

_Baby you would take away everything good in my life,_

_And tell me now_

_How do I live without you?_

_I want to know,_

_How do I breathe without you?_

_If you ever go,_

_How do I ever, ever survive?_

_How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?_

Instead of packing, Addison found herself curled into a ball, as much as she wanted the tears to stop from coming out, she couldnt.

--

_Derek's Car..._

After Addison went off, Derek went back to the hospital to change from his scrubs and bumped into Meredith who was smiling from ear to ear.

"Derek want to go out tonight?"

"Not tonight Meredith." Derek answered without even looking at her. "_...not ever" _Derek wanted to add.

He felt dead inside. Like a zombie that has no direction. After donning his shirt and jeans, Derek headed to his car and go home. He started driving and figured that maybe listening to the radio is a good idea. Wanting to at least divert his mind from Addison but like a joke played on him, the song that played on the radio did nothing to do it's first purpose...

_Without you,_

_There'd be no sun in my sky,_

_There would be no love in my life,_

_There'd be no world left for me._

_And I,_

_Baby I don't know what I would do,_

_I'd be lost if I lost you,_

_If you ever leave,_

_Baby you would take away everything real in my life,_

_And tell me now,_

_How do I live without you?_

_I want to know,_

_How do I breathe without you?_

_If you ever go,_

_How do I ever, ever survive?_

_How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?_

After listening to the song for at least 30 seconds, he couldn't take it anymore but instead of turning his radio, he made a rapid u-turn not caring if he was breaking any law at the moment. He'll pay the ticket afterwards.

--

At this point, Addison had calmed down but still not wanting to move, just stayed there curled into a ball. Then, she heard someone knocking at the door like a maniac. _"Who could be knocking at the door at 9 at night?Plus, she looked like a mess" _she thought to herself.

She didn't want to answer it at first, but the knock wouldn't stop so she finally got up and went to the door and looked at the peep hole. The figure at the other side of the door wasn't the one she was expecting.

She opened the door. "Derek wha...?"

Before she could even finish the sentence Derek just hugged her. "Addie, please, don't say anything first. Just hold me."

Derek couldn't contain his emotions no more and started to cry too, holding Addison tight almost to the point of hurting her. Addison too broke down when Derek started crying. The pair were just holding each other, shaking, bawling and weeping. They stayed like that for at least 3 minutes and in that 3 minutes both felt they were home in each others arms.

Addison, though, remembered that this wasn't a very good idea. So she pulled away.

"Derek what are you doing here?" Addison asked.

"I came here to be with you Addie. Stay here with me." Derek pleaded.

Addison just shook her head, "I can't Derek. You made your decision. We're divorced. You chose her. You love her."

Derek took both of her hands and rambled on, "No, no Addie. I know I made a mistake. I let you go. I treated you like crap. Didn't appreciate you. Blamed the downfall of our marriage all on you when in fact big part of the blame was on me too. I don't love her Addie, I was in love with the thought that someone likes me. **I love you, Addie** I did it to hurt you back. To spite you, but I didn't realize that you're just human too, you have your limits and in the process, I lost you."

As much as she wanted to believe him, she couldn't risk being hurt again. "No, Derek, you're just acting like this because you're scared to lose what you were used to. **You were used to us** but that doesn't necessarily mean you are in love with me. Just let it pass."

"No Addie, please. I am not just used to you, I don't want anyone but you" Derek said trying to let her know he was sincere.

"I can't stay here in Seattle any longer. I have to start a new life in a new city where I am not the adulterous bitch or the Satan. I'm going to L.A, Derek, so just please go home to your girlfriend now." She ventured and opened the door for him, implying that he should go.

"Then I'll come with you, Addie. Let's start over in L.A. as long as you accept me back again."He tried to reason out.

"But we'll fall in the same routine like New York, you spending endless hours in the hospital and me left alone in the house. And how sure am I that you're not going to fall for an intern again?" Addison letting out all her fears if she lets him back again.

Derek cupped her face, forcing her to look at him."No, Addie, It will be different. We do 3 days private practice, 2 days in the hospital and 2 days off. No overtime, just us."

But Addison was adamant with her stand and wouldn't give in. "No derek, please just go now" she snapped at him.

Feeling defeated and hopeless, Derek walked out the door and out of Addison's life. But before he could even reach his car...

"Derek!" He saw Addison walking hastily towards him. And without a single word uttered, Addison reached out to cup his face and bring his lips on hers. Both shared the most passionate kiss they had in a long time, pouring the longing, the sadness, and the love into the kiss. And when they pulled apart, both were gasping for air. Derek leaned his forehead into hers and kissed her tear-stained eyes, nose and finally a peck on the lips.

Addison looked at him into the eyes and asked "Derek, do you have your clothes all packed?" She broke out into a sweet smile.

"I love you so much Addie" It was all Derek could say

"I love you too Derek" Addie responded.

The couple know that life in L.A will not be all sunny weather. It will have gloomy and cold days but both know deep in their hearts, that even on those days, they will always have each other to warm them up.

--

_Okay, I didn't proofread it because I'm too lazy and I don't like reading my work over again because I get embarassed and would end up not posting it. So sorry for spelling and grammatical errors. Reviews are very much appreciated_


End file.
